I have been reading this article from the New York Times magazine about what does it mean to be a good wife and it got me wondering, perhaps the reasons the author has put forward go even deeper. What if a girl, called Mary, in todays modern world has grown up with a bad mother role model, which may then lend itself to a bad wife role model. All of this happens as Mary is growing up and for the main it goes on at an unconscious level.
Now Mary is on boyfriend 527 and counting as she doesn’t want to commit to a relationship that means marriage, because that means she becomes a “wife” which her unconscious mind is geared to preventing her from doing, as it is associated with pain, misery and hurt.
On the other hand Mary might still be in her first relationship and keeping her partner on the line for 20 years or more, until the partner leaves out of desperation, or forces Mary into getting married, Ouch! Mary might go ahead with the wedding but become increasingly uncomfortable with the relationship and not know why? Unconsciously Mary has become the very thing that she promised she would never be “a wife” so the marriage can be doomed to failure because Mary hasn’t worked with transforming how she can still be herself and that “wife” doesn’t mean imprisonment, or does it?
I have met countless examples of this over the years and it’s an all to common phenomena. Perhaps you know of a couple who have been going out together for years and yet as soon as they got married they split up within a year or so.
If you suffer from this too, you might want to make a list of what “wife” means to you and then ask your partner and friends to make a list also, you will be quite fascinated with the results, I am sure.
Drop me an email with your thoughts please on what wife means to you, change the word to husband and you get a similar result ☺